There is one tiny little insignificant detail, which is, I know nothing about green living. Which means I had to learn something, something that I don't appreciate doing at 3:45 in the morning when my main goal is domination of my best friends blog, but alas I digress...
You know what's green? People.
People you say? Well, you can go to all kinds of websites to hear about horror dating fiascoes. Here is one I thought particularity funny:
"As a single mom, dating is not my top priority. However, I am a woman, and I do have certain needs that Ben & Jerry’s simply cannot satisfy. So, urged by some girlfriends, I created an online profile. I was immediately bombarded with offers from scary-sounding, -looking, or -acting men. I waded through the riff-raff and finally found a man who appeared to be intelligent, attractive, employed, educated, and did not abuse emoticons.
We emailed back and forth for a bit and decided to meet for coffee. By this point, I had already let him know that I have a kid. Half way through our date, he mentioned that he wasn’t sure he was comfortable dating someone with a child. I told him I appreciated his honesty and that I completely understood his position. Hell, before I got knocked up I never would have dated a man with kids.
“No, no,” he said ” I still want to see you, I just think we should talk about, um, disposing of the extra baggage. I know ways to make things look accidental.”
What the ever loving F? Needless to say, I flew out of that coffee shop. And that was my first last and only online date. From now on, I’m sticking to the divorced dads at Chuck E Cheese. At least they won’t offer to off my child!"
If you find yourself in a relationship with a person who is complete fail, recycle them. I'm sure there is someone equally fail out there in the universe in which they can create a utopia of fail together.
Or if you do decide to dispose of someone (Warning: it's illegal and bad, m'kay?) you can do it green. Check out this coffee table coffin:
I suppose it gives new meaning to "over my dead body"... I mean, what kind of coffee table book would you choose for this sort of thing?