Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Isn't this supposed to be green?

Candi went to sleep at a normal hour (gasp!) and having recently given me permissions to update her blog, how could I resist?!

There is one tiny little insignificant detail, which is, I know nothing about green living. Which means I had to learn something, something that I don't appreciate doing at 3:45 in the morning when my main goal is domination of my best friends blog, but alas I digress...

You know what's green? People.

People you say? Well, you can go to all kinds of websites to hear about horror dating fiascoes. Here is one I thought particularity funny:

"As a single mom, dating is not my top priority. However, I am a woman, and I do have certain needs that Ben & Jerry’s simply cannot satisfy. So, urged by some girlfriends, I created an online profile. I was immediately bombarded with offers from scary-sounding, -looking, or -acting men. I waded through the riff-raff and finally found a man who appeared to be intelligent, attractive, employed, educated, and did not abuse emoticons.

We emailed back and forth for a bit and decided to meet for coffee. By this point, I had already let him know that I have a kid. Half way through our date, he mentioned that he wasn’t sure he was comfortable dating someone with a child. I told him I appreciated his honesty and that I completely understood his position. Hell, before I got knocked up I never would have dated a man with kids.

“No, no,” he said ” I still want to see you, I just think we should talk about, um, disposing of the extra baggage. I know ways to make things look accidental.”

What the ever loving F? Needless to say, I flew out of that coffee shop. And that was my first last and only online date. From now on, I’m sticking to the divorced dads at Chuck E Cheese. At least they won’t offer to off my child!"

If you find yourself in a relationship with a person who is complete fail, recycle them. I'm sure there is someone equally fail out there in the universe in which they can create a utopia of fail together.

Or if you do decide to dispose of someone (Warning: it's illegal and bad, m'kay?) you can do it green. Check out this coffee table coffin:

I suppose it gives new meaning to "over my dead body"... I mean, what kind of coffee table book would you choose for this sort of thing?


  1. All I can think to say, and I know its really really bad is 'Holy Shit!' I have never ever heard such a thing...maybe you should let Candi back for the next post...are you sure that's what she had in mind by 'green'??????

  2. She just loves to dominate me...err my blog! I'm pretty sure she got it awesome with that last snippet. However, that first bit just shocked the pee pee right out of me. I would have reported him to the police, not just left! That was the /failest dating story EVER!